Can we talk wrestling on The Shit Is Dead? Well, it matters to me, so the answer is YES.
Another year, another WrestleMania. It's been 14 years since I've been following wrestling religiously. My first WM was WretleMania 14; Stone Cold vs HBK with Mike Tyson as the special enforcer. Feels like forever ago. The product has changed, it seems like the target audience has as well. But with the return of The Rock, it looks like they're once again trying to give us back the Attitude Era. To me, it doesn't seem like the best idea, I have my reasons, but let's see how it turned out:
The Buildup:
The buildup to Mania this year revolved around John Cena and his yearlong feud with The Rock who seemingly has made his long awaited return to the world of wrestling. Obviously Mr. Johnson got the top billing he deserves, but unfortunately he's not exactly back full time, so for a year of buildup Cena ended up with a lot of pointless opponents (that shitty Kane feud comes to mind) while he waited around for Dwane to show up. For a whole year we waited for Rocky to finish filming his movies and doing his promotional tours, and what we ended up with seemed a bit underwhelming to me. We got a month of back and forth face to face banter between the two, and a shitty tag match at last year's Survivor Series. I would have liked more brawling, make the feud personal. As much as they told us how important this match was, it wasn't important enough to make Cena or Rock throw the first blow, they seemed content to just talk at each other for a year, which in the wacky world of wrestling seems highly unlikely.
The other match everyone was looking forward to was the "end of an era" match in the Hell In A Cell between Triple H and The Undertaker. If the cell wasn't enough to sweeten that deal we also got Shawn Michaels in there as the special guest referee. I was much more excited for this match than the main event. Predictable as it has become, I expect nothing short of spectacular from Taker's "Mania Streak Matches", especially the last couple of years. The buildup to this was exactly what you'd expect: meaningful, personal back and forth promos that blur the line between what's real and what's scripted. And the fans ate it up to a point where I dare say this was just as anticipated as the main event.
A couple of years ago it surprised me when neither title seemed as important as other matches on the card, but at this point it feels like the norm. This year the big title match was without a doubt CM Punk against Chris Jericho. Two of my personal favorites facing in their first big match. I say that because they have gone at it before, just never with any build or anything big on the line. The WWE Championship might be playing second fiddle to the big matches at Mania, but don't let that fool you, these two could very well steal the show.
Of course, the World Heavyweight Championship was also on the line at Mania with
The Event:
The show kicks off with what seemed like a metric fuckton of pyro that when on longer than the actual first match of the show. I had a feeling we'd be getting it first, and we did...
World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan -
This match was pretty much pointless. I take that back, it wasn't pointless, I think it showed the WWE brass that DB is connecting to the fans. Bryan was ridiculously over with the crowd, 'Yes' signs everywhere, 'Yes' chants the whole time. It saddened me to know that Sheamus was going over no matter how hot the crowd was for Bryan.
As soon as Bryan turns around he gets hit with one of Sheamus' twelve finishers, the Brogue Kick, and that's all she wrote for Daniel Bryan's title reign. Quite the shame, especially when I'm sure pointless matches will get more time later on the card. I'm sure these two could deliver an above average match. As a matter of fact, I'm willing to say that Daniel Bryan could have a good match with anyone on the WWE roster if given proper time to work. But we moving on.
Kane vs. Randy Orton
Why wasn't this match the opener? I really don't get it. WWE needs to learn never to have their champions jerk the curtain, especially when you have a pointless grudge match to follow it up.
These two seemed to phone it in for Mania, which makes no sense to me. The pace was slow and it had very few surprises. The only shock was at the very end of the match when Kane actually picked up a clean win over Orton with a less than stellar looking Chokeslam off the top rope.
Intercontinental Championship: Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes
Believe it or not, I kind of enjoyed the build to this match. Rhodes has really progressed as a character and as a worker in the past year and his mocking of Show for his failures at WrestleMania was actually pretty entertaining.
With that said, this is still a Big Slow match.
It wasn't bad, just not a Mania caliber match. Show finally gets his win at the big show (pun totally intended) and picks up the IC Championship for the first time.
Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve
I'll give Maria Menounos all the credit in the world, she got in there and did her thing. Was it any good? No. Should she have gotten the win? No. But she did anyways. Meh.
Hell In A Cell: The Undertaker vs. Triple H, with Shawn Michaels as the Special Guest Referee
I was genuinely surprised how early on the card this happened. To most people, this has become Mania's number one attraction. The Streak has become the biggest thing in wrestling, and every year the WWE does it's best to convince us that they've got the guy who's going to end it. Year after year, come Mania, I become a skeptic once again, yet Taker keeps proving me wrong.
Trips and Taker stole the show, by a landslide. I felt sorry for The Rock and John Cena, not as much for Punk and Y2J, those two can hold their own.
This match told a great story, the Cell wasn't even necessary. It was almost like the cage was there just to protect the audience from these two throwing shit out of the ring. HBK still has some of the greatest reactions in the biz, his faces were pivotal. The other thing that helped this match was the fact that Jim Ross was calling the action (I really hate Michael Cole and Booker T as announcers). They even let them bleed (slightly) to my surprise.
When it comes to technical wrestling though, it wasn't a masterpiece. It was more of a brawl, but that's what it was meant to be. One of those rare cases where the wrestling gets overshadowed by the story and what the match actually means.
Of course, The Streak remains intact. I never really expected Trips to end it, but I will admit he made me jump out of my seat a couple of times. Hell of a match.
Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy
This match replaced the Money In The Bank Match, it had every noteworthy wrestler on contract thrown in for no reason. Instead of hyping up the talent, they decided to show off the General Managers of both Raw and Smackdown, which is as smart as smart as having an entertainment reporter wrestle a match.
Nothing special. Team Johnny gets the win making him the GM of both shows. Oh joy.
WWE Championship: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho
Who truly is the Best In The World? That's a tough one to call, but it was the tagline in this match. And honestly, it lived up. What Taker and Trips did for storytelling, these two did for flat out wrestling. Good ring physiology and know how.
The finish to this match had most on the edge of their seat with each wrestler countering the others submission move. Finally, Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice to force the tapout and retain his title.
Depending on your preference, this could have easily been match of the night.
The Rock vs. John Cena
I wish I felt sorry for these two, but I saw this coming.
This match was a huge flop in my book. They gassed way too fast, the crowd was worn out from the other awesome matches, and over all the match just wasn't all that good.
As big a star as he is, Cena simply isn't that great a worker. To express it more accurately, he's as good as whoever he's wrestling. If he we're wrestling The Rock back in 2002, this could have been awesome. What we got was ring rust, and lots of it. Rocky botched a couple of big moves that definitely cost the match, and the crowd was so dead that they didn't really care. Sure, they popped for the finish, but it felt more like a mercy cheer.
Yes, Rock went over. And as happy as I should be about that it just doesn't make sense to me. If Rock is going on another one of his 'vacations', why have him go over someone whom you get to keep? I think this was the moment for a character change from Cena, leading to a victory. I'm not saying full blown heel turn, just a modification. Maybe some rougher tactics.
Unfortunately the way I look at it the year long hype came back to bite the WWE in their giant corporate ass. The main event paled in comparison to both Taker/Trips and Punk/Jericho.
My Impression:
Two matches don't make a card, no matter how good they are. We got a lot more shit on this card than we did good. And the main event fell flatter than Scotty Goldman's gimmic. On top of that, eight matches for a four hour show is laughable, I didn't cover any of the shit backstage segments because they shouldn't even be on the show, keep that shit on Raw.
While it was better than the past couple of WrestleManias, it's nowhere near the best one ever, no matter what Michael Cole tells you.
4.5/10
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